Today we’d like to introduce you to Jocelyn Gonzalez.
Jocelyn, please share your story with us. How did you get to where you are today?
From various forms of child abuse, I’m on a healing mission to perform across the world and share my #metoo story of movement to others across the globe to help them start their own healing process through a series of videos.
I consider myself a warrior survivor. For years, I’ve been repeatedly sexually, mentally, physically abused by trusted family members throughout my childhood. Overweight since the age of 9, I was an easy target for fat jokes at school…
Reaching 300lbs at the age of 19, put me in a spiraling depression that made me feel that I couldn’t climb out of this hole. When the time’s got really dark, I’ve even (unsuccessfully) attempted taking my own life. I was so insecure, I would avoid looking at mirrors, cameras and would tend to hide in the back of the room and keep quiet. But I always knew that I needed to do something…but what?
Two years ago, little did I know changing my job would put me on a path to health and happiness…
I moved into a different town, and I started a new job working at hotrock pictures. A fun but extremely demanding video and photography production company. Meeting the needs of the job meant being quick on my feet, handling equipment, and jumping off docks and onto the bows of yachts.
Hotrock Pictures is led by Sami Ansari, a music video director/photographer that has worked in LA for over 20 years. As Graphic Artist, I was eager to learn more about photography and the film industry. Soon enough, we became good friends.
With the help and guidance of Sami, I learned about organic nutrition, juicing and how to stay away from processed foods. In the first six months, I lost 50lbs and I didn’t even visit the gym once.
Losing 50lbs is a hard thing to hide, and learning to handle all the new attention, and being showered with positive compliments was something I wasn’t used to. But sure enough, I accepted it, and I was meeting new friends in the process.
But unfortunately, I was taken advantage of and became a rape victim… yet again. What was 5 minutes for him retracted me back several years of sleepless nights, trauma and healing. I stopped going out with friends, I became reclusive, only focused on work and wore black clothes… a lot.
A friend saw right through me and dragged me out of my home. She later showed me on her phone some videos of people at all skill levels creating “flow art” with a performance prop like a hula hoop, poi, staff or a set of silk fans.
Watching the videos brought me right back to High School where I participated in Color Guard (flag core) which was the one activity I really enjoyed. Thinking it would at least give me some form of exercise, I got a 6ft flag to spin and throw again.
With no coach to correct my posture, I reluctantly started recording myself. To my surprise, I was immediately pleased with how much confidence and happiness I displayed once I forgot about the camera. It wasn’t often that I would watch a video of myself and wanted to see more…
So I had gained the confidence to record my first flow video…
I became so in-tune with the weight and sounds of the flag that it would put me in a peaceful meditative mindset. It was like a spiritual awakening, and an alignment of spirit, mind and body.
Since then, I realized that the only thing that could make me meditate, and live in the moment was flowing with my silk. Hard thing to imagine, huh? It fueled my energy to follow a new healthy lifestyle, force myself to perform in front of people, and ultimately slowly, loving myself again.
When I lost a total of 90lbs, I decided to reward myself with a new prop. I found my fix when I upgraded to a 17 foot rainbow silk streamer! When I pick up my wand, I am transported to a prismatic world of colorful smoke. There’s no right or wrong way to flow, and that’s the beauty of it.
After working at the Production company for a year straight with no vacation time, Sami took me and the camera out of my bubble (the USA) for the first time and traveled to his favorite place in the world… Nicaragua.
During my stay, I was fascinated by the culture, all the handmade items, and how colorful and friendly everyone was. The food was all locally sourced, organic and most importantly FRESH!
Unlike the USA, resources are not as available, so one WHOLE classroom of children will peacefully share a single box of crayons. As a multi-media Colorist, it breaks my heart at the thought of a child not being able to colorfully express his or herself.
With a similar repressed Cuban background, this only motivated me to come back again with an extra luggage full of school coloring supplies to donate. (I’d really love to donate miniature 4ft silks to give to the children to share the love of flow.)
On one of the last beach sunsets before our departure, Sami filmed me on the beach flowing with my rainbow streamer. Watching the footage of myself relaxed and smiling, truly revealed how at peace I was with myself, finally after so many years. See for yourself.
Ever since that humbling trip to Nicaragua in 2018, I came up with my dream:
With my Rainbow streamer, I will document my weight loss journey, share my story of healing and travel to perform at multiple locations around the world, in search of the local colors, and give back to the communities in multiple ways.
With the hotrock film crew in tow, I will visit each region in search of scenic spots to produce a music video, along with several Behind-The-Scenes (BTS) videos to follow me as I visit to local schools and shelters to donate supplies and flow props. You will also see me venture into local markets, get to know some locals and their stories, try new foods, and meet local indigenous artisans to create a new performance dress ensemble for the music video inspired by the region and colors.
I sincerely hope that I can educate and inspire others to heal through movement.
Armored with my vision:
– I’ve built my website to publicly share my story and how you can help: http://www.hotrockpictures.com/worldstreamer/
– I’ve secured a donation resource: reached out to my steamer’s flow-prop manufacturer, and has agreed to donate all their defective and surplus supplies to The World Streamer.
– I’m working on my 1st humanitarian project: I’m currently trying to work with Nicaragua agencies to charter a plane with donated medical supplies from the US to repatriate Americans that are now stranded in Nicaragua due to COVID and it’s closed borders.
– I’m seeking donations to help create the dream and start “The World Streamer Healing Foundation” non-profit and begin the dream of helping and learning the stories of many women and children across the globe.
We’re always bombarded by how great it is to pursue your passion, etc – but we’ve spoken with enough people to know that it’s not always easy. Overall, would you say things have been easy for you?
It certainly has not been smooth at all! I would say the biggest struggle has been stepping out of “my comfort zone.”
Prior to my abuse, I was SUCH a fashionista and I kept the movie “Clueless” as my bible. I always wanted to look and act like the character “Claire” but turns out I became just like Stephanie Murphy’s character “Tai” because after the abuse, I closed up and wore boy-ish things to hide my body and myself from the world.
But just like “Tai” thanks to a great support of friends, they’ve helped me each day to step out of “my comfort zone.”
I’m still in the process but I want to share my story and my strength to others to help THEM find the strength to share their stories and flow their way to a more positive life. Just like the way the silk flows in the wind, life is unpredictably beautiful.
Despite all the negative things that’s happened to me, I wear it like a shield of armor. To honor my past, I even got a peacock tattoo by the owner, Amaury at Bad Habit’s Tattoos in Fort Lauderdale.
You see, even since the renaissance times, a peacock feather is symbolic of immortality. In other cultures, spirituality, love, good-will, kindness, patience, and benevolence. To Buddhists: “the ability to thrive in the face of suffering” (due to the fact that the peacock can survive on a diet of poisonous plants.)
Because it’s feathers were sought out for, people would often pluck a peacock’s feathers however the feathers will always grow back even fuller, brighter and more colorful than before.
So I wear multiple feathers in a full open peacock display tattooed on my back because “you call pull my feather’s all you want but I’ll always come back stronger.”
We’d love to hear more about your work and what you are currently focused on. What else should we know?
Currently, I fund my project working as an Executive Producer and Photographer for hotrock pictures. I’m blessed to have rare opportunity to photograph and film superyachts across the world for the last four years.
But hopefully with funding, I can travel with my hotrock film crew in tow to visit each region in search of scenic spots to produce a music video, along with several Behind-The-Scenes (BTS) videos to follow me as I visit local schools and shelters to donate supplies. You will also see me venture into local markets, get to know some locals and their stories, try new foods, and meet local indigenous artisans to create a new performance dress ensemble for the music video inspired by the region and colors.
In life, I’ve learned that everyone you meet provides a lesson to learn. I hope to spread my #metoo story of Movement to help start the healing process of those who are currently and/or recovering from abuse, or insecurities. Many of you watching know what I’ve been through and maybe even going through it right now. It helps to remind myself that I am not alone.
I hope to be a body positive inspiration to everyone on all walks of life to follow your passion (even if it’s waving a silly piece of fabric in the air) and make moves to push your boundaries because you are a rainbow of possibilities.
Has luck played a meaningful role in your life and business?
I feel like luck is largely fueled by your determination. If you continue to look and voice for ways to achieve your end result, you’ll always feel lucky to find the results you hoped for.
Contact Info:
- Website: http://www.hotrockpictures.com/worldstreamer/
- Email: info@hotrockpictures.com
- Instagram: @theworldstreamer @hotrockpictures @mojoflowjo_
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theworldstreamer/
Image Credit:
Sami Ansari
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