Today we’d like to introduce you to Daniela Lopez
Hi Daniela, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?
I divorced while pregnant. Three years later, we decided to become friends.
When I divorced, I felt life was being unfair to me. After years of living my love story, everything had taken a 180-degree turn. The man I loved so deeply had revealed himself to be someone else, or perhaps he had always been that way, and I was just starting to see him differently.
I went from living a wonderful story with a supportive man, someone I had fallen in love with and who made me feel seen and appreciated, to spending a lot of time feeling lonely and unappreciated. I often had to remind myself that I needed to understand him because he worked hard to provide, and my desires to connect weren’t as important.
As a therapist, I also attended my weekly therapy sessions, questioning my relationship and the wounds in my childhood that brought me to that place. I own it. However, I wasn’t in the most comfortable position to make this decision: our second child was on the way, my personal finances couldn’t support me, and there was immense fear and uncertainty. But one day, life left me no choice: my husband was asking me to be submissive (literally) for the relationship to work.
I took a deep breath and asked God for a clear answer: God, after hearing this, am I ready to divorce? I heard a clear and peaceful “yes.” I accepted it. So In that conversation, I asked for a divorce, (yes, again, I was three months pregnant, with a 2 years old daughter with no job and only a few coaching clients. But I was 100% sure about something: there has to be a better way.
By divorcing him, I began to marry myself, my truth (I went to therapy to voice my side of the story). I committed to my way of solving problems (knowing I would make mistakes along the way and promising not to judge myself when made them), and I married my courage (because I had plenty of fears). I married all the wisdom I had been teaching in my sessions with my clients, especially a phrase I once read but finally embraced it: freedom is greater than love.
You cannot speak of love in a relationship where you cannot be yourself and be loved for it. I couldn’t teach my children about love if my relationship with their father wasn’t loving and I couldn´t help my clients to live a coherent life if I couldn’t be free to be myself. I had seen many clients with traumas because their parents had to divorce, but I also have seen many clients traumatized because their parents didn’t have the courage to divorce. So, I told myself again: there must be a different way. My way.
Divorce forces you to face life’s uncertainties and solve problems in the present. I knew I had to work more hours to provide for myself and my children, and I did just that. Fortunately, unexpected help for my children came from places I had never imagined. I dedicated myself to working on myself, I spent a lot of money and hours in different therapies (and that made me a better therapist for sure) and finally understanding that in life: there are no victims, only volunteers.
I was very sure that my children are 50% mom and 50% dad, so hating my ex-husband was never an option. Because if you have the father of your kids (or the mother) that part of your kids dies and creates shame on themselves.
I went through every rage, every sadness, and cried countless times. But I knew it was my process and a great moment to show myself who I truly am. I couldn’t let my inner child and her fears dictate the situation, so I embraced myself and didn’t let go. I continue to embrace every step I take, and life has worked its miracles. What I never imagined came into my life: many clients needing my help, more money that I have ever made before with my own practice, assistance, new friends, love for myself, freedom to raise my kids my way and respect for the father they have and his ways. And even things I never thought possible:
Three years later, my ex-husband and I are friends. We managed to respect the agreements written in the divorce, acknowledging that each of us is equally important in our children’s lives and that our children deserve and benefit from receiving our love. Gradually, we began sharing our children’s birthdays, supporting each other as needed, and even went to Disney together (it was an awesome experience for all of us). This was unthinkable at one point. Today, I inspire many people to accept reality and not see themselves as victims of their relationships.
We have to radically accept the facts, embrace that it had to be this way, and commit to finding a better way to live, because there’s always one, and life gives it to you as a gift for being brave.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
I think I answer this in the past article.
Mayor struggles:
-self doubt and inner voice: ¨I will not be enough to provide for myself and my kids¨, ¨Who is going to help me with a baby?, it is going to be impossible. I will traumatize my kids.
-Physical exhaustion with the pregnancy and having to work or drive to my parents house asking them for help to take care of my daughter while I was in a session
-Vulnerability and feeling shame: My instagram account was about relationships, I was the expert on the matter and thinking that divorcing would make my clients or audience think that I am not good enough.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I graduated as a psychologist from the Central University of Venezuela in 2010. I awakened my passion for human resources and started a career in multinational companies. In 2014, I became certified as an international coach with NLP, reigniting my passion for psychology. I began my own coaching practice and learned holistic tools that expedite healing processes for my clients and achieve faster results: I am a Family Constellations facilitator, hypnotherapist, and astrologer.
After my divorce, I connected deeply with nature and sacred medicines like Ayahuasca, and mushrooms participating in over 30 ceremonies. Through this, I reclaimed my personal power and embraced my spiritual gifts and talents to spiritually guide others.
I also found a mentor in the public speaking industry and prepare myself to give awakening interventions to free the human inside the worker and improve the companies productivity
Have you learned any interesting or important lessons due to the Covid-19 Crisis?
Yes, I learned that each person’s home is within themselves, that personal security is something only you can provide for yourself, and you must learn to do so. I learned to appreciate life and not take for granted that life wants me here, which is a miracle I am committed to embracing and making the most of.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://tribumanifested.wandari.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachdanielalopez?igsh=NXN4ZzhiOG40ZHdw
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@coachdanielalopez5888
- Other: https://open.spotify.com/show/5XVSPfpgAp7at4UYAoKt1O?si=jiGEB1XsQu-MSC1ifpKlbw
Image Credits
photo by Anabela Salcedo
