Today we’d like to introduce you to Cher Meli.
Alright, so thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, can you tell us a bit about how you got started?
It all started with being called a “selfish b!tch” so often, that I seriously started to question and analyze myself. Eventually, I had to ask the question: Am I actually a selfish bitch?
Plot twist – what I discovered was that aside from the actual, occasional selfish moments that I had in my youth (and I’m sure at times as I age) – what was prompting others to brand me as a “selfish b!tch” was the fact that I was doing what was best for ME.
The irony is that when I would receive those verbal and energetic bitch slaps, I began taking them as an indication that I was on the right path.
And so….my “Confessions of a Selfish Bitch” podcast was born.
Along with it came this midlife season of professional reinvention as an Experiential Wellness Strategist, bringing together 33 years of experience across both the hospitality and wellness industries to design revenue-minded programming and service models for Luxury Hospitality & Longevity Brands.
The fact of the matter is that life is not linear, and there is no one way to do things, nor do you have to choose one lane and stick with it, especially when you’re a creative. Life is not neat and tidy. Personal or professional success most certainly does not happen by following the “shoulds”.
“You should go to college” – I didn’t. I went through the school of life and then studied classical yoga philosophy and the teachings of the mystics. And, I learned a LOT about people, life, and getting comfortable with being uncomfortable from my many years in the A-list hospitality and service industry.
“You should get a 9-5 job with a 401k, insurance, and stability” – I didn’t. I had a wild ride running A-list night clubs and restaurants in NYC and LA throughout the 90’s and early 2000’s, which at the time was an all cash business. I’m not sure if 401k was even a thing back then – I was flexing my adulting muscle by having a bank account that wasn’t perpetually overdrawn!
Once I was thoroughly burned out from getting home from work at 5am after a high maintenance, 12 hour shift, I made my first big pivot. I didn’t know what to do with my life, so I followed the advice of my astrologer, packed my bags, and relocated from New York to Los Angeles to join the yoga circus.
Being the visionary that I am, teaching classes, workshops, and eventually teacher training wasn’t enough for me. I curated and led international retreats, created workbooks and programs on topics like forgiveness (which has become one of my signature teachings) and developed comprehensive wellness programming for those who were committed to their healing and growth. I’ve had the extraordinary opportunity to connect with and serve literally thousands of students in and through their wellness and personal-spiritual evolution journeys over the last 25 years.
“You should get married and have kids” – The first man that I ever fully committed to was my first son. I never had a long-term relationship prior to the wonderful surprise that I was pregnant with him.
In this order: I gave birth to my son, married his father…because I was told that I should, had my wonderful second son, and then got divorced. We opened a restaurant in the middle of it all, but I walked away with nothing, except for two amazing humans who are now two of my best friends in the whole wide world. Life is incredible, even, and especially as a result of challenging times (to say the least).
“You should not be so ambitious – let a man provide for you while you raise your children and support his career growth” – I’ll admit that this is a wildly antiquated mindset (thank God!), but this is going back 20 years and yes, I do hold some traditional values.
But this one took me out.
I met my second husband, had my third son (marriage first, then baby), settled in the suburbs, and realized that I was living in a complete and total identity crisis. I had my second divorce and landed in a true “dark night of the soul” which was terrifying, because I had my three sons and they deserved a mom who had not fallen apart.
I would wake up each morning and go to bed each night trying to figure out how I could crawl into my closet and disappear, while still knowing that my kids would be taken care of.
The fact of the matter, is that no one could love and care for my now three sons as well as I could, and so they became my guiding light, my motivation to recognize that I alone was the common factor in all that was not working in my life, and that I absolutely needed to prioritize ME, for the wellbeing of my kids.
Life forced me to learn and live the oxygen mask philosophy. I highly recommend it.
“You should act like you know everything and like you have it all figured out for your kids…never let them see you fuck up” – Nope. I wanted and needed my sons to know that I was human, and that they are human, and that nobody actually knows shit.
If you’re willing to learn from your life, then there are no failures or mistakes. Life is a kaleidoscope of experiences and emotions. Feel and live them all with an ounce of humility, appreciation, and grace and all will work out in the end.
And never EVER place blame or point fingers at anyone else for the quality of your life. It’s a series of choices that you alone make. Own your choices, the outcome, and your choices moving forward.
My one wish for my kids – do better than me. BE better than me.
How could I ever ask this of them if I’m not willing to share my humanity with them?
“You should already be in your lane this late in life” – At 53, I’m flourishing in a season of personal and professional reinvention guided by the wisdom that I have accumulated – aka, all that has worked for me, but especially what hasn’t.
I don’t actually know anything for sure, but I finally know my value. I know where I can be of service. And I own, without hesitation, my areas of expertise. I am damn good at creating beautiful, luxe wellness programming that actually moves people toward who they want to be and how they want their life to feel. I know service – how to make everyone feel like they are the center of the universe, because aren’t they? Aren’t you the center of your personal universe?
I know that for whatever reason, I have spiritual insight into the human condition and have the ability to guide others, either as selective private advisory clients, through programming, or through my podcast, to embrace their evolutionary process without needing to sugar coat it.
Additionally, I know where my value is wasted. I’ve learned (for the most part) when to say “no, I can’t do that for you” and when to say YES, even when – especially when – it scares me and pushes me outside of my comfort zone. Because how comfortable is a comfort zone really?
By the way, saying “no, I can’t do that for you” – this is actually what has been the perpetual trigger for all of the times that I have been called a “selfish b!tch” throughout my life, and why I say that it’s an indicator that I’m on the right track.
People do not like it when you won’t do what’s best for them. They push back when you are not willing to sacrifice your own fundamental needs for theirs, and hear this, – sacrificing yourself is NOT virtuous in your personal or professional life. There is a huge difference between sacrifice and compromise. Compromise is what happens when you realize that you’re unnecessarily dragging past baggage into present life situations and need to make adjustments while still living the relationship. Also, have the willingness to see when you are the one asking someone to sacrifice for your comfort. That situation goes both ways!
Self sacrifice will leave you energetically drained and empty, while at the same time – having an expectation for anyone or anything outside of yourself to make you happy, I’m not sorry to say, is a waste of time and energy.
One of the single most important things that I’ve learned and own: the responsibility for your fundamental happiness and wellbeing is yours and yours alone. It comes from within. That’s not a trending cliché – it’s truth.
Choose wisely who or what you add into your life to enhance your happiness and wellbeing, and never ever sacrifice your happiness in the name of “love”. That’s not love, it’s transactional relationships.
It took me a long time to come to this place, and I’m still finding my way. There are moments when I’ve felt embarrassed by how many times I’ve pivoted in my professional life while trying to find my groove. But I’m over that, there is no shame in this crazy journey called life and again, it’s not a linear journey dictated by ‘shoulds’.
You are never done cooking, and for all that is good and holy….please stop “should-ing” all over yourself and others!
Always follow what feels right to YOU, even when it’s a rocky road or doesn’t make sense. The fact of the matter is that you don’t actually know if the choices that you are making are right for you until you get the results.
And is there really such a thing as right or wrong? Don’t the evolutionary lessons in life – the ones that we have the opportunity to experience when we fall down – have extraordinary value?
From all of the times that I’ve been called a “selfish b!tch”, and in my process of self -analyzing and leaning into what I call “Empowered Responsibility”, I’ve learned that what really matters, your true North star, are your values. I’ve learned that very few people actually want what’s best for you when it comes with discomfort for them. This isn’t cynical….it’s human, albeit human in a way that is still operating from a fight-or-flight, survival mindset. When you find the people who will stand by your side without needing you to adjust for their comfort, keep those people close.
I’m still on my journey – I woke up this morning and was gifted with another day.
I’ve retired from teaching yoga classes, and leading my own retreats and events, although I still have the call to teach, to share my insights and life lessons, which I do on my “Confessions of a Selfish Bitch” podcast (you can find me on YouTube, Spotify & Apple Podcasts).
I’m designing this next midlife season of my professional life with a confidence I’ve never had before.
I’m bringing together my A-list hospitality and wellness experience as I step into designing revenue-minded wellness programming with impeccable service models for luxury hospitality and wellness brands. I see that it’s not enough to simply put together a nice yoga class or sound bath, as lovely as they may be. The real value lies in designing programming with companion service models that both have long term impact on people’s lives and actually increase performance across revenue streams that already exist — the very ones the brand is built upon.
I LOVE that I get to take my many years of experience and now apply it all to support the growth and success of others wellness brands and in luxe hospitality settings!
It feels good to have this insight, but it didn’t come only from all of my successes, it came from what some might call failures, but I like to call them “opportunities for growth”.
I’m excited for this next chapter of my life.
I’ve finally shut down that nasty, bitchy little voice in my head that was constantly telling me that I couldn’t achieve whatever it is that my heart desires and then would proceed to give me forty-five reasons why not. If you struggle with this negativity or self doubt situation, I suggest taking on a meditation practice and learning to manage your mind!
Have faith in yourself, because no matter what – you get to live another day and that my friend, is the real accomplishment!
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
I loved my early years in A-List hospitality, the glitz and glam of it all. And I was quite successful by all measures – nobody could run a room as well as I could; but it was also the first time that I experieenced “imposter syndrome”. Sure, I would have clothes delivered to me from Tom Ford’s Gucci line, but trust when I say that I was NEVER actually that cool! I was perpetually uncomfortable and always felt like I had to be “on”. Not to mention that I’m a morning person….I constantly felt discombobulated from starting shifts in the evening and not getting home until 5am.
I had struggles with friendships – with knowing who I could trust or who just wanted to get on the guest list. Luckily, I formed a core group of friends who also worked “in the industry” who are still my friends till this day. And sure, being in the presence of celebrities, rock stars, super models and heiresses was fun and exciting, but it was also EXHAUSTING. Not only to attend to their every whim, but to deal with the press, publicists, their “team” and all of the posers who hung around them believing that they were cool if they treated people like shit.
Don’t get me wrong, it was a fantastic time to be alive and have access to all of the best parties and events. We had a TON of fun and I have some great stories to tell, but I definitely felt like an imposter in my own life.
Making career pivots at an early age (in my 20’s), from a successful hospitality career to teaching yoga, drew a lot of criticism from colleagues, friends and family although it was Sean MacPherson who, during a meeting asked me what I wanted to do. When I told him that I truly did not know and that I was considering moving to California to take a yoga teacher training, his reply was, “Do it! You will only regret it if you do not, and work in hospitality will always be here for you”. I hope to run into Sean again someday; I would love to let him know what an incredible impact he had on my life!
Making a living as a yoga teacher was not easy, to say the least. Luckily, I was able to maintain financial stability during this big, albeit random leap of faith by always keeping one foot in restaurants or nightclubs, while simultaneously building a professional foundation in yoga and wellness.
My life challenges certainly extended beyond my professional life. Two divorces, three kids, and surviving life in “the burbs” (NOT my natural habitat)!
Consciously navigating a “dark night of the soul” while providing for three kids.
Having a complete and total reinvention and personal/professional value reevaluation in midlife….
Life has not been easy (is it supposed to be?) – my path has been all over the place and rugged with many dirty, internal street fights along the way!
I’ve come to appreciate my the challenges throughout my life, from childhood until today – without identifying and nurturing them as “traumas”, instead alchemizing them into what gives me strength, compassion, wisdom, and empathy
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
I feel incredibly proud of the fact that I’ve been able to fuse together my many years in A-list hospitality with 25 years of experience in the yoga/wellness world. I achieved great success in both fields and love the work that I’m doing now. I feel incredibly grateful to have had mentors in hospitality such as Amy Sacco and to have had the opportunity to study with the teachers of teachers in the Classical Yoga world. I take none of this for granted, nor di I believe that it was all a big coincidence.
As a matter of fact, I wholeheartedly believe that I was guided with the purpose of gathering knowledge and information to be of service during these rare and extraordinary times.
I find it astounding, and pretty damn lucky, that wellness travel & events, longevity focused lifestyle, and luxury minded living have taken the driver’s seat and have become mainstream – that individuals are prioritizing wellness at every opportunity.
And to quote Snoop Dogg, “I would like to thank me!” LOL! I made a commitment to myself to reach up, to learn about necessary hospitality metrics and how to increase performance in existing revenue centers instead of just creating a nice wellness event. I’ve very intentionally expanded my vision to create programming that consciously aligns with, strengthens, and lifts a brand’s value instead of randomly curating “trending” wellness events. I had to workshop my experience, that I used to once criticize as being “all over the place”, and find the common threads throughout, the visionary experiences and programming that I’ve created and brought to life over many years. I have a lot to bring to the table, a BIG table. Believe it or not, it was a real flex for me to give myself that credit…but trust and believe that at this stage of my life, I’m OWNING IT!
My heart feels full and so very appreciative that, week after week, my “Confessions of a Selfish Bitch” podcast is gaining viewers. I didn’t start it with the goal of growing it, but rather to help and serve people who wish to be better, to do better – through a spiritual lens. In my teaching, I’m known for being very straightforward – for not sugar coating things. I’m not for everyone, and that’s ok!
Do you any memories from childhood that you can share with us?
What kid, aside from Drew Barrymore, was hanging out at Studio54?!?
One of my favorite Aunts worked in promotions at Studio. I used to take the Greyhound bus from upstate NY into Port Authority in NYC, which was suuuuuper sketchy at the time – as most of NYC was.
My Aunt would wait for me at the door of the bus, and we would walk through Times Square over to Studio54. I got to help out in the mail room, sticking address labels on the giant event cards and then running them through the stamp machine.
I remember one time, taking the cards to the NYC post office to be mailed. My Aunt, Steve Rubell, and I were all in a cab. At the time, you would bring ‘bulk mailings’ to drop off at the back of the post office. I remember seeing half a dozen women dressed in lingerie and fur coats and asking Stevie, “Why are those women hanging out in their underwear?!?” Of course, he told me who they were and what they were doing, briefly explaining it in a way that only Stevie could!
I also remember other times, including helping to set up for the Jungle Book party, seeing Michael Jackson walk across the catwalk, with a giant American flag was hanging down from. I remember a man with an accent ordering me a Shirley Temple in a cocktail glass one evening….he was incredibly nice. My Aunt informed me many years later that the man was David Bowie!
Because I wasn’t actually allowed to hang out too late, I would sleep under Stevie’s desk on “pillows” made from I♥️NY deli bags and cash that we would take out of the drop ceiling, crumple up, and stuff into the bags!
Believe it or not, Studio54 was something of a family affair: one Aunt worked in promotions, another worked in the coat room, my “Uncle” Marc was the doorman, and my grandmother could be found on the dance floor on any given night.
Pricing:
- Wellness Programming – custom pricing based on scope of work
- Women’s Private Advisory starting at $1500 monthly retainer
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.CherMeli.com
- Instagram: @Cher_Meli
- Facebook: CherMeli
- LinkedIn: http://linkedin.com/in/chermeli
- Youtube: @CherMeli
Image Credits
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