Today we’d like to introduce you to Bari Lyman.
Alright, thank you so much for sharing your story and insight with our readers. To kick things off, can you tell us a bit about how you got started?
I was successful in other areas of my life — just not in love. I was a strong independent, self-aware woman who was relationship challenged. From the beginning, I kept finding myself in relationships where I felt like there was something wrong with me and there was no real future in those relationships. I was feeling anxious and losing time! From the very beginning in high school, I fell for a guy who turned out to be gay, in college I was in a four years relationship with a closet drug addict (I ignored red flags), followed by a nice reliable guy who didn’t share my religious values. All the while, I was working on myself in various ways but it just didn’t matter as each choice continued to be wrong! After two more relationships with narcissists, I hit rock bottom and realized that something drastic had to change!
I continued to “work” on myself in therapy, did yoga, meditation, energy healing, I attended seminars, read books and prayed but still my love life didn’t change.
Therapy was great (I started at 12 years old) but it was like looking in the rearview mirror and I had an intellectual understanding of my blocks. What I needed was a plan to transcend those blocks so I could operate from clarity and wholeness and find a true life partner with whom I could share an integrated life.
The good news is that I finally had a breakthrough. I realized that I needed a real plan so I created it! I took off my blinders and made changes that rocked my world and changed my trajectory forever! The changes involved taking ownership that if I wanted a new future, I had to be willing to own that I was the magnet to the men I was attracting. I realized that being around “personal development” without a strategy would doom me to being alone or in another wrong relationship. I detoxed myself from love junkiness, I hired a small team to really coach me to being in reality! I began to study everything I could about healthy relationships and I changed and became integrated. With that new embodiment, mindset and a new dating plan, I started meeting healthy, marriage minded men that led me to meeting and marrying my soulmate husband Michael more than 17 years ago and I’ve been helping singles to do the same for more than a decade.
There’s nothing as wonderful as having a true partner who always has your back, to always feel connected and to know you are a family. We live an integrated life that we designed. We even work together and I’m so grateful for our life and the amazing memories we share… We are both originally from New York and met in South Florida. We’ve had many adventures and four years ago we made a big change moving from South Beach to a 5 acre nature preserve in Homestead where we live a plant-based lifestyle with our family of rescued pets.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
The biggest challenge I find is for singles to actually believe that healthy love is possible for them after so many years of not having it and struggling. What single women don’t realize is that being strong and independent is actually putting out a vibe that “I don’t need anyone” when of course we do. Human beings are born to connect and it’s in the context of a healthy, supportive, growing relationship that we can actualize our highest potential together.
When we say, “I’d rather be alone than in another bad relationship” there’s no real opening for another option that can be learned–healthy love. We all have protection mechanisms and defenses operating to protect us from being hurt and there comes a time when we no longer need survival mechanisms. Instead we need to allow someone to show us a new path and trust a proven method that is different from anything we have tried in the past or can achieve alone. That is what a mentoring relationship is about. Trust and the willingness to leave our comfort zones since that is where healthy love lives–beyond old conditioning. When the student is ready, the right teacher appears with a real plan.
It doesn’t matter how many things someone has tried in the past that didn’t work. We teach people how to open up to love in a practical way that puts them into a state of wholeness and integration and that’s very different from simple visioning, optimism or cleaning out a drawer and expecting it will just happen. Instead, it’s about true readiness, clarity and embodiment and being a creator of your own life.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I help singles to quit attracting the wrong people and (finally) discover their soulmate! What I’m most proud of is creating a future-focused proven method that teaches people how to get to wholeness and clarity within themselves and find the love they’ve always wanted without waiting, settling or compromising anything (yes, it’s true!).
Growing up, we often have poor modeling. We’re not taught how to find a healthy lifetime partner. We hear “Don’t worry, it’ll happen when it happens” but that is counterintuitive. In every other area in life where we’ve achieved success, we’ve had training, mentorship, education and accountability. That is what works and that’s what’s also needed for finding love.
In our society “self-love” can feel very conceptual. We can feel “ready for love”, but when we keep meeting the same wrong people or we take breaks to “get to know ourselves better” we need to ask the real question: Are those breaks bringing us any closer to love? or is it just a relief from bad dating?
If the answer is yes, you need a new, goal-oriented approach.
I’m proud to share that finding wholeness and a true partner is a learnable skill.
Contact Info:
- Email: [email protected]
- Website: meettomarry.com/reallove
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/barilymanlove/?hl=en
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/meettomarry
- Other: https://www.nytimes.com/2021/08/21/fashion/weddings/can-you-manifest-your-perfect-match.html
