Today we’d like to introduce you to Ben Amare.
Hi Ben, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers.
It’s November 2017, it’s raining in Rio de Janeiro, I got passed on another job promotion and I haven’t left my Airbnb for the 5th consecutive day in a row. I was supposed to be here for 10 days, another notch on my bucket list, but here I am finding no reason to leave my room in a foreign country.
It’s my 5th year at this consulting firm. I felt like a badass working for a big 5 firm. What they don’t tell you is the politicking and brown-nosing needed to excel in this environment. Here, I am thinking being a badass at the actual work will get me promoted. Painful lesson, especially since I’m turning 30 in 3 months. And all my friends I started with got promoted and are making nearly twice as much as me with half the skill I had.
And I’m a very competitive person so seeing my friends excel, making a ton of money while I got left behind was painful to me. It’s very obvious in the firm who gets promoted and who remains the same status. Not for a lack of effort either. I’m an extremely hard worker. But merit wasn’t valued as much as personality at this firm.
I felt stuck. Depressed. Overlooked. Unvalued. I guess I didn’t have enough people skills. Or I guess I was just unwilling to step out of my cozy zone. Computers were second nature to me, I built my first computer in middle school, and I hacked into my friends’ computers for fun. And yet…
Here I am. 29 years old, with no desire to step into management. I just wanted to do computer stuff and get paid a lot of money for it. And maybe travel a lot.
So why am I writing this? Or agree to open myself to the world and publish my story opening myself to judgment and criticism? I guess a lot of people struggle with feeling lost and finding a passion or purpose in life. I’m just giving you a small glimpse of how I found mine.
I made a lot of mistakes along the way. I was lost for 5 years. Maybe you can relate to me on some level. Hopefully, my story can inspire someone to keep pushing, make a change, or have hope.
I’m no role model. I’m just a guy that kind of figured things out. And if this helps you, great, I’d love to know how… Because what happened to me in the next 5 years is something I would have never imagined…
How I got into photography… Up until this point in my life at 30, I had never picked up a real camera, nor did I desire to, or know the slightest thing about photography. I thought art and photography were stupid. My logical mind couldn’t comprehend.
I used to draw a lot as a kid. And I dabbled a little in high school. I loved it. I loved the feeling of having complete control of what you’re creating and translating exactly what’s on your mind onto paper.
I was traveling almost every week for work as a Tech Consultant. I love to travel. My Dad traveled everywhere around the world as a career politician. He was a star to me. Ambassador of Ethiopia. I wish we spent more time together when I was a kid. I resented him for that later in life. But still, he embedded a seed in me.
My Instagram feed was filled with amazing landscape photographers. And I wanted to be like them. Traveling the world, capturing the world. So, I bought my first camera, a Fuji XT-3 in June 2018, 3 months after I turned 30. I just bought the same camera a local DC photographer friend of mine had because it looked cool, and it had knobs. I had no idea how to operate it.
I never went out to take landscape photos. It was so boring to me. By myself, in the wilderness somewhere, taking photos? That wasn’t me. I needed something… challenging, and foreign to my psyche, that would help me grow… and that was people.
I didn’t like approaching strangers or talking to people. It wasn’t natural to me. I have a lot of social anxiety. My friends reading this might be shocked because they know me now… but if there wasn’t tequila involved in my system, I would not be sparking a conversation with you. And most of the time we were hanging out, tequila was involved.
So maybe I could create art that involved people. And add in technology? That was me.
In November 2018, I went to a local DC photography meetup where startup models and photographers could work together. The event was chaos, it would be like 20 photographers shooting one model. But I felt such an adrenaline rush trying to get angles no one else was getting. I have 2 solid photos from that shoot that are still on my profile today.
My mind was so present and engaged I never felt anything like that in years. I wanted more.
I met this girl there, she loved some of my shots and we planned to do another shot. She had this idea… “Unleashed”… and sent me inspirational photos. I was in love. I went to work on the mood board and lighting. The result of the shoot was far away from what the concept photos were, but it was such a rush.
Creatively, we were on the same wavelength, and we began shooting every week. One of the smartest girls I’d ever met. I didn’t know what a muse was, but she was. We ended up dating. She pushed me to go all in and invest in studio equipment.
I hesitated because I had tried so many startups like this before… and lost a bunch of money doing it, or realized I just wasn’t into it down the line. I was a DJ… a club promoter… I started a tech consulting company, and a real estate financing company…. got into stocks at some point.
My family was worried. They had bailed me out so many times already. I didn’t want this to be another “thing”.
But I went ahead anyway. I wanted to become a fashion photographer. I studied Lindsay Adler. I devoured all of her material. I loved her bold use of colors and drama in her images. That was me, bold and dramatic.
Over a year, after I first bought my camera, I quickly outgrew my peers and became well-known in the DC area. A lot of the technical aspects of photography came naturally to me. I was able to do complicated lighting setups within my first year of photography. Whatever equipment Lindsay Adler had, I had.
But I quickly realized I was barely making enough to cover the cost of my studio. Yes, I was completely enthralled and loving every second, but my photography career was being completely subsidized by my Tech career.
In photography, especially in the D.C. area, if you want to make money shooting, you have to shoot weddings, graduations, birthday parties, graduations, and engagements… I didn’t want to do any of that. Not for a single second. I didn’t care if I was losing money. I only wanted to shoot stuff that inspired me.
I love movies. I watch a TON of movies. And I love recreating the drama, emotion, and nostalgia from some of my favorite scenes.
My first ever recreation shoot was a recreation of the opening scene for Reservoir Dogs, a Quentin Tarantino classic. 7 guys in black suits, skinny black ties, and Wayfarers walk out of a cafe smoking cigarettes. What are they about to do? Who knows? They’re up to no damn good and they look damn good doing it. So now what? Do I smarten up and forget my dreams of being on Vogue or something? And be sensible and shoot weddings? NOPE.
In September 2020, I signed up for this content creation event in Jamaica. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It looked like a bunch of swimwear models and pro photographers, and I felt completely out of my depth. I had never shot swimwear up until that point. I loved shooting beauty headshots. Stuff you’d see in a MAC ad.
Swimwear was foreign and cheesy to me. No one is looking at the swimwear, they’re just looking at the genetically gifted model. Where’s the art in that? Regardless, I’m competitive and if I wanted to be the best fashion photographer out there, I had to shoot with the best photographers and models.
Up until this point, I had been working solely with Non-Experienced Genetically Gifted Women, code for “Instagram models”. I was honing my directing skills. Working with a pro model was easy for me, all I had to do was shoot, and she knew exactly what to do.
I wanted to have the skills to direct, like a movie director. So, I worked strictly with NEGGW models for the first 2 years. To learn swimwear photography, I devoured Joey Wright’s Swimwear Photography course on F-Stoppers. His work was unreal, and then I found out he was also attending the same event in Jamaica. Double win!
I watched his videos day and night. I studied every minute of his posing techniques and editing style. When I finally arrived in Jamaica, I was so nervous to meet him. He was a celebrity to me. How can I shoot swimwear models for a living? THAT’S INSANE! I messaged him a couple of times on Instagram about the course and the event.
Day 1 in Jamaica, he’s hanging at the pool bar, I walk up. I mutter out, “Joey, it’s an honor to meet you, man. I love your work.” I forget what he said exactly but he recognized me and was so chill and down to earth. I muttered “I got to move to Florida and take your in-person course” (I hadn’t considered moving to Florida at this point, it just came out). He says, “Dude you should move to Florida, we’ll talk.” Wow… move to Florida?! Me? That’s crazy!
I feel completely star-struck at this event. I have never met an “influencer” in real life. And it was nothing but influencers and pro photographers. What was I doing here? My competitive drive kicked in. If I’m going to make a name for myself, I have got to meet everyone and shoot as many models as can, so they know how good I am.
So, I came up with a plan. Why would any of them want to shoot with me? I see everyone kind of knows each other. I don’t know anyone. So, I’m going to let my work speak for itself.
I created a Calendly link with the scheduled event shoot times, and a link to my work. That way anyone can just pick a shoot time and book a shot. I drop the link into the group chat of over 200+ people, and within 4 hours my schedule is filled up for 5 days.
The photographer I rode the bus with for the first time too, caught me at some point during the event, and said “Dude, I thought you said this was your first time? How are you shooting everyone?” I smiled and walked off to my next shot. I told him later, but I still don’t think he ever created a link.
I quickly rose in popularity at the event, and I arrived back in DC knowing everything was going to change for me. I knew how to market myself well and carry myself through the crazy parties and big personalities that were at these things. I knew I wanted to be the best, and nothing would stop me.
I thought I was doing good in D.C. at this point, but that event opened my eyes to a whole new world. I met people who were killing it in the biggest cities in the U.S. — Miami, LA, NYC, and Vegas. Here I am trying to make a name for myself in D.C.
A new bar was set up. I’m going to be the best fashion photographer. I have to move to Miami. Moving to Miami: Year 3 in photography. In September 2021, a year later, I finally moved to Miami.
Now here I am thinking moving to Miami was going to mean I finally was going to become the best photographer. And make a ton of money. Man, was I wrong? Not only was the city far more competitive than I had ever imagined. The photographers here were absolute GIANTS! I barely had 5k followers at the time. I immediately got sucked into the party life and lost all direction.
Not only that, but my dad, who had been struggling with kidney failure, passed away a month later. I was a complete mess. For the next year, I started shooting things that were completely against my beliefs and psyche. I started shooting way more risqué. My page was loaded with sex appeal. Eventually, I started shooting OnlyFans content. What was I doing?
During that time, I met someone special, someone with a shared sense of trauma in their life. And we bonded. Yes, there was physical attraction too, but we bonded on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level. I felt like I met my twin. Difficult to explain. We would make people uncomfortable with how close we were but were never technically dating.
She was a photographer just like me, and a woman, drop-dead gorgeous, and just as toxic (at that point in our lives) as I was. We couldn’t get enough of each other. Despite living across different states, we would talk every day on the phone. I knew everything she did from sunup till sundown.
During this phase of me losing my dad, and losing my uncle just 2 years before, and this new foreign city Miami which I was unable to deal with on a healthy level, she was my escape. And I was hers; to the trauma she was dealing with in her life. We’ll get back to her…
At some point during this year, I started making so much money shooting OnlyFans content that I left my job to pursue photography full-time. A few short months later, the agency I was shooting for, fails… and I lose all my income overnight.
Should I just go back to my job? No way. Pride won’t let me. In my mind, I was the best photographer because now I was making money from it as a living. And I didn’t have to shoot anyone’s baby, or grandma, or fiancé to do it.
So, I was going to figure out a way to replace my income. And I’m going to do it with my original plan, shooting for fashion brands. And I had enough savings & credit cards to get me by in case it doesn’t work out. But it was sink or swim. Man… I was committed. I signed up for the most expensive business photography coaching course to teach me how to do it and put it all on an Amex credit card.
Now I’m not going to knock this course, as expensive as it was, their strategy for acquiring clients (which was my biggest hangup) was laughable. Sending 50 DM’s a day reaching out to local businesses when you can accomplish the same task by creating one great video ad to run locally. In hindsight, I didn’t know this at the time.
My self-punishing mentality led me to believe I needed to put in the hard work if I was going to get paid. If you’re someone taking a business course, be very wary of these pressure tactics. Even the most well-intentioned coaches can push failing strategies onto their clients.
But there’s also the mentality, to work smarter, not harder. Despite that strategy, all the other teaching material was great. I learned a lot. Super talented and very successful people on that team. I just hope they revised that bit of the course.
I never landed the desired monthly retainer which they trained me to get, but I was close. And I learned a lot. Especially about business and marketing I still apply today. However, that course landed me DEEP in the financial whole. And I didn’t bring any money in. It has now been 6 months without any income.
Desperation and anxiety were setting in… and it was leading me to make some desperate decisions. Getting involved with shady individuals and clients I never should have gotten involved with. But the messed-up part about it was, I let that affect my psyche and I lost all trust in myself.
I was lashing out. Especially to my best friend, whom I talked about earlier. I said some unforgivable things to her. My anxiety had built our relationship up as a crutch from facing my reality, like an addiction. And when she didn’t give me the validation I needed, I texted her some very hurtful things that you can’t say.
That was my lowest point. At 34 years old, I lost all my income. My best friend. I had to move back home. I had so much credit card debt. Unable to pay my bills. I had to accept another “thing” as a failure.
I spent the winter holidays of 2022 cooped up in my Mama’s basement. Unable to deal with the reality of my life. I’d gone from a six-figure plus income living in a Miami high rise with a 750+ credit score, to living like a high schooler.
How was I going to pay my credit card bills? What will my friends think of me? What will everyone think of me? I’d marketed myself to everyone as someone living the dream in Miami, with successful, beautiful friends, at all the cool parties, traveling the world, making all the money, to this…
I’ve been wearing the same clothes in my suitcase for months now because I put on so much anxiety-weight. Eating like a slob. Pouring my worries into hot chicken tenders. Paying for Uber Eats on my credit card I couldn’t afford to pay back.
What was I doing?
I told you… I’m not a role model.
2023 – a new year.
I called a debt management company to kind of let me know where I stand. I still laugh to this day. When I gave the specialist my numbers the poor fella was stuttering. He’d been reading from a script designed to rehabilitate someone who was an emotional wreck. But I rarely give that opening to someone. My competitive drive kicked in and at that moment I decided I wasn’t going to be another “patient” of theirs. I told him if it gets bad, I’ll know I can call them. But for now, I’m going to keep pushing. And hung up. Poor guy.
I’m not going back to my job. The only thing I had on the horizon was some money from a workshop in Costa Rica and filming in Morocco. Both are exciting prospects. Nowhere near enough dough, but it was enough to keep my drive going.
My mom was worried I could tell. But I rarely open up to her. Our relationship has been fraught with complications for years. And I am no saint in it. I played a large part in it. Our personalities are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Designed by God to spark fireworks. Which is what God meant for me to learn.
Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect and love for my mom. She is my biggest inspiration and the standard I hold myself to. She did what no 20-something-year-old should, move to a foreign country (the U.S.), work her way up from a bank teller despite having a Law degree in Ethiopia, to having two master’s degrees, while raising my sister and me, supporting our family back home. And doing everything in her power to build a stable life and get an education for this despite every single odd in the world against her.
She is my hero.
I wish we could get along better. We’ve tried a pastor. I’ve tried therapists. I know God has a plan for what our relationship will be, But I hope she knows I love her, admire her, and respect her above all things.
She bailed me out of my mistakes more times than I can imagine. If it wasn’t for her, this next part wouldn’t have been possible… So, I push on… knowing how much money I owe. Knowing if it’s sinking or swimming. Knowing with at least a fire under my ass maybe I can make something happen.
And maybe be able to make enough money so I can finally give back to my mom tenfold what she’s given me. And make my dad proud. A business opportunity with a very successful friend of mine was brewing. It was a promising, life-changing kind of money. At last, a glimmer of hope was coming almost 8 months after I left my job.
I did everything I could to secure that deal. I brought in a marketing agency to help land the deal, but it quickly became apparent to me that once the marketing agency and my friend were introduced, they both quickly estimated I had no value in the deal. I made a small $200 from what was a couple thousand dollars per month deal.
I tried to pitch my “friend” my value-add again to keep my end of the deal alive. Despite him getting exactly what he needed, he saw no use for me in the deal. And a single line item in the expected revenue I’d make in the agreement I proposed turned him off. And he iced me out.
Ouch. That one hurt.
I felt inexperienced and out of my depth. Harsh lesson. On top of that, the marketing agency estimated my skills as a videographer were subpar despite them paying me close to zero and no longer needing my services from one of their clients.
Double ouch.
So, I moved to California briefly to pursue another deal. Which ended up being a lot of the same. I was turning circles. By this point, I maxed out all my cards. I barely had $20 to get bus fare to get to the airport, to catch a flight back to Miami with the last bit of Delta SkyMiles I had left.
You’re probably wondering when this is going to turn positive. Don’t worry, I was too. I was desperate. To make anything happen. May 2023 – I’m back in Miami sleeping on my friend’s couch again. I have a lot to thank him for.
I started pitching myself to all the local apparel brands. Sending out hundreds of emails a day. Nothing. I pitched myself to local photographers to see if they needed help, let me on seen. Just rejected.
I figured the only way to get people to pay attention in Miami was to meet them in person, at their events. So, I started attending local events and shooting free content. I started getting callbacks for gigs. A couple of hundred dollars here and there. But we’re moving.
It’s nowhere near enough. At this point, I was desperate, I’d been borrowing money from my family to stay afloat, and I called my sister out to help again. It’s not easy to admit this as a 35-year-old man, but that’s what I did.
She had a very serious conversation with me. I’d bordered on the point of delusion that I could turn my reality around. I needed to face the music, make some serious changes, and start being responsible. Because at this point, I was being irresponsible.
My sister is like that. Cutthroat. To the point. I’m the same way as well. We know how to see through each other’s BS. And I always respect her opinion. But I was unconscious of so much reality I shielded my psyche from just to get by.
I had to call up my company and see if they’d take me back so I could get a handle on these bills. Thankfully, they took me back without hesitation to my salary a year ago. I’d never felt so much relief in my life. Now finally I can start moving without desperation and get some things handled.
At the same time, I was getting callbacks for jobs left and right in Miami. To this point, I had to start subcontracting photographers and videographers. Things were moving and shaking. People loved my videos, especially from the fashion shows. The engagement was through the roof. With Miami Swim Week at full speed, I couldn’t keep up with the demand I was getting to shoot everyone’s show.
But I worked from 6 am to midnight. I would shoot a show, edit the video, and push it out that night. While working my day job (which was fully remote).
I was a machine.
The money was pouring in. People respected my work. The photographers I looked up to were finally recognizing me. I no longer felt rejected.
I finally called that debt settlement company back and told them I was ready, they put me on a plan, and that was the biggest relief of my life. A year’s worth of financial pressure gone in an instant. I didn’t care if it would take me 5 years to pay back, as long as there was a plan, an answer, a solution, I was good with that.
In the month after Swim Week, I felt a deep sense of calm, and also fatigue.
Like an entire year’s worth of anxiety caught up to me. And was released. And I slept for 10 hours.
It’s August 2023 – and I am finally doing an accounting of the damage I did over the last year.
5 years’ worth of debt.
30 pounds gained
Countless rejections
Cards Declined
Countless lessons
Sleeping in a garage.
Sleeping on couches.
My best friend lost.
Self-loathing
Depression
Was it worth it?
Yes.
I have never felt more alive. I’m not someone who struggled for much in life. I was raised well. A lot of things were provided for me. My family was middle-income. I was educated and taught well. But I never appreciated what I had…
There was some desire to fill a hole, whether it was a part of my ego or whether that was ambition I’m not sure. The driver was there, but I was being driven by inadequacy from that Airbnb all those years ago from Rio de Janeiro.
In the months since August 2023, I’ve so far lost 23 lbs. I’ve paid my family back entirely, I’ve launched a YouTube channel that currently has 2.3k subscribers, I just paid rent at my new place in Miami, and most importantly…
I found my faith. Now I don’t want to get religious with you… but it’s been said God breaks you down to see his truth. I certainly have. I saw my ego for what it was. What it was driving me to do. I saw my pain for Dad’s death for what it was, and how I was unconsciously sabotaging my life.
I saw my relationship with money for what it was, and how little appreciation I had for it.
I saw my self-respect for what it was because the decisions I made daily were evidence of the respect I had for myself. Measured in the effort and value you give to things that give effort and value to you. I see myself as a positive light on people. I want to inspire, support, and teach through my YouTube channel.
I never in a million years saw myself writing about myself and posting it online. But I guess we do that every day, don’t we? But if it can impact someone in some way, why not be brave and be vulnerable? Take a chance.
I had some of the luxuries most people don’t have starting… a supportive family, a job to fall back on, few friends I could rely on, and a super expensive coach, but that doesn’t discount my story one bit. This is my truth. This is what my struggle was.
You may think there are things I could have avoided. And things I could have done better. My struggle was my ego. I learned humility and struggled fast.
I could have gone back to my cushy job at any point. But I chose to ride it out.
Because the biggest win for me?
It is the humility and faith I have now. If I can help someone avoid some of the mistakes, I made… then hopefully my story will be a lesson to you.
The marketing tactics for launching a business are so aggressive and irresponsible these days that no one truly knows the emotional and financial costs hidden by its failure. You can lose friends, relationships, your house, or even worse.
Don’t take it lightly. Take things easy if you can. Get a skillset to at least help you pay the bills while working on your larger dream. Sure, you can sink or swim. But they have a good support system for those times.
I’ve talked too much. Big love. And God Bless.
We all face challenges, but looking back, would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
It was a very rough road. I quickly realized people’s estimations of my skillset were not up to par with my own. That hurt my pride. But it fueled me to fix where I lacked.
Because of the financial pressure I was under, I made desperate decisions and overextended myself to deals and clients hoping it would turn into future pay. I experienced a lot of rejection when I pitched myself for work. I got in bed with fraudulent clients who tried to use me for work and scam me out of pay.
Emotionally, I was a wreck, my credit card bills were high, and I would emotionally eat and spend money on food I didn’t have. I lashed out at my close friends and family. I couldn’t overcome my pride in going back to my job. I became irresponsible with the amount of debt I was accumulating.
I became irresponsible and unrealistic with the timeline I expected success to come. I was desperate and impatient.
Can you tell our readers more about what you do and what you think sets you apart from others?
At the heart of my work is an intimate connection with my subject. I got my start in photography recreating movie scenes I loved, from Quentin Tarantino to James Bond movies. Over the years, I’ve been able to hone in on my unique style of shooting. Bringing the raw aesthetic of my early work, but currently balanced by polished finishes. Overall, I favor a bold and dramatic aesthetic.
The first approach is always the same: get to know my subject (whoever or whatever that may be). From there, my creative flow is highly adaptable based on the size and scale of the project. I can seemingly remove my subject from the production, making them feel safe, and at ease, and capturing their most authentic self. My style is dynamic, often utilizing spotlighting, saturated tones, and complementary colors.
I am most proud of my versatility, I can shoot complicated 5-6 lighting color-gelled beauty setups with a mix of strobe and constant light, to classic natural light. My background in tech and my knack for the intricate leads me to pursue very complex lighting setups when the budget allows.
I am well known for my ability to direct, I have a scene that plays in my head almost instantly when I arrive at a location, and I communicate my vision to everyone involved to make it a reality. I can’t help but take charge of production settings. But I also love learning and playing a role in the productions of people I look up to. I understand the precision required when it comes to execution, and I pride myself on being precise.
Who else deserves credit for your story?
My mom is my biggest role model – the strength, dedication, discipline, and perseverance required to achieve what she did in life is my biggest standard.
Heli my sister. There’s no one I know who cares more about the value of family and community than my sister. She is my standard when I measure my life according to those values. She is a cutthroat, but someone who I always call to give me the facts I don’t want to face. I admire, love, and respect her.
My Aunt Emy is someone who I can talk to without judgment whenever I’ve done anything wrong in my life. She’s the person I can turn to for reassurance, that God has a plan for me. That things will be ok. And who I can vent to. She loves me unconditionally and I appreciate her so much.
Nate Enzo is someone who I hear in my head. The savvy businessperson I know. We became friends and a pivotal moment in my life at 24 years old, and he instilled principles and a hustler mentality in me that always pushed me to rise above myself. To achieve and do more, on all levels, financially, with family, and as a man.
Branden Allen is the first person I text whenever I have some good news. He is my biggest supporter and advocate. Friends for over 10 years. He is the person who, without fail, texts me at least every 2-3 months just to see how I’m doing. How I’m doing? He is the standard of a true friend.
Hamdi Nur has been my longest-running friend since high school. He is the person without fail who knows me to my core. He reads me like a book. Even though we don’t talk as often, whenever I hop on the phone, he’s the one who has me dying laughing. Without fail, he’s the person I call whenever life gets rough or there’s a major transition in my life. He’s the guy I want in a bar fight with me. God forbid.
Felix Angel is someone I quickly grew close to over the last 6 months. We have a shared hustle, drive, sense of humor, faith, ideals, and goals about life. He’s taught me so much about media production that he’s the first person I call whenever I have a question.
Pricing:
- 2HR Photography Session $675
- 2HR Videography Session $675
- 2HR Photo + Video Session $750
- 1HR Mini Photo Session $400
- 1HR Mini Video Session $400
Contact Info:
- Website: www.benamarephoto.com
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/benamarephoto
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@benamare
- Other: https://vimeo.com/benamare
