We recently had the chance to connect with Erin Copelan and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Erin, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day to share your story, experiences and insights with our readers. Let’s jump right in with an interesting one: What do the first 90 minutes of your day look like?
I wake up at Cat-O-Clock. She usually starts gently, with snuggles, but if my booty isn’t out of the bed in time, her urgency (and level of vocalization) rapidly escalates! I turn on the coffee maker, and begin preparing breakfast for my little, old kitty. It currently involves a half a jar of baby food with her vitamins, preparing her Hydracare water, and when she’s ready, letting her outside (then inside, then outside, then inside again… then outside…). I consider all of the up and down my morning cardio! I get to settle in with my cuppa joe (half and half, no sugar, please) and some Abraham Hicks shorts on YouTube to calm and shift my mindset off of any spiraling thoughts that may have started as my feet touched the floor (anyone else have a busy morning brain?). As my cells begin to awaken, I hop into the NYT app for my Wordle, Connections, and Tiles fix – then it’s off to the races!
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I’m Erin Copelan, a Caregiving Educator, author of the best selling book, “Welcome to Caregiving: The Things Caregivers Never Talk About,” and the creator of a groundbreaking Caregiving Archetype Quiz that helps people understand their unique caregiving style so they can care for themselves with the same heart as they care for others.
My brand was born out of nearly two decades as the sole caregiver for my husband through multiple cancer battles, a liver transplant, and countless medical crises. Along the way, I learned an unspoken truth about caregiving: it’s really not about endurance. It’s about finding sustainable ways to keep your compassion alive without burning yourself out.
Today, I blend lived experience, humor, and practical tools to help caregivers create breathing room, set boundaries without guilt, and rediscover parts of themselves they thought they’d lost. I believe caregiving should be rooted in connection (first to self!), ease, and a shared sense of humanity; because the best care happens when both the giver and the receiver feel supported.
What makes my work unique is that I’m not speaking from theory; I’m speaking from the middle of the storm. Caregivers don’t need another pep talk. What they need are real strategies, safe places to be honest about what they are feeling, and permission to put themselves back on their own list. That’s the work I’m doing, and it’s what I believe will change the caregiving landscape for the better.
Appreciate your sharing that. Let’s talk about your life, growing up and some of topics and learnings around that. What part of you has served its purpose and must now be released?
For a long time, I wore my codependency like a badge of honor (because I had no idea what it was or how much it was harming me). I put everyone first. I took charge of things. Made things happen. Made sure everyone around me was comfortable. But never owned up to what I was actually feeling or what I actually desired. People often think codependency just means “needing someone too much,” but in reality, it’s more about basing your self-worth on how well you meet everyone else’s needs, often at the expense of your own.
But here’s what I’ve learned: codependency can also be a form of manipulation; not necessarily in a malicious way, but in the sense that you’re constantly shaping yourself to manage other people’s reactions, rather than standing fully in your own truth. And that’s exhausting.
It may have made me an excellent caregiver on paper, but it came at the cost of my own needs and identity. It’s still a practice for me and I’m still learning, but I can see that I don’t have to choose between caring for others and caring for myself. I can do both. In fact, the more I practice honoring my own feelings, needs, and desires, I find I have more energy, clarity, and compassion to offer others.
That shift is changing everything – not just for me, but for the people I care for.
When did you stop hiding your pain and start using it as power?
Two years after my husband’s liver transplant (seven years into my caregiving journey) I hit a level of pain I couldn’t ignore. It wasn’t the kind of pain you can sleep off or “stay positive” through. It was bone-deep exhaustion, grief, and loneliness that no one was talking about.
I remember thinking, “If I feel this bad, there have to be others who feel this bad too. No one should have to feel this alone.” And I just started writing. I wrote and I wrote, not just to tell my story, but to share the profound experiences caregivers traditionally keep to themselves.
That decision cracked me open. Writing led me down a path of self-discovery where I started to see my patterns, including my codependency. It also taught me that my pain didn’t have to be a private burden. It could be a bridge. By sharing my stories, I could give other caregivers, especially those who put everyone else first, the courage to dip their toe into self-love.
That’s the power I carry now: the ability to say, “You’re not alone. Your needs matter.” Society considers being “selfish” a bad thing – yet being selfish is actually essential.
Sure, so let’s go deeper into your values and how you think. Is the public version of you the real you?
Alas – what you see is what you get! All the weirdness, tears, anger, grief, joys, and excitement – I put it all out there so others can witness the journey. To see themselves in the process. The work is not linear. Life is not linear. But it is about love.
Okay, we’ve made it essentially to the end. One last question before you go. Are you doing what you were born to do—or what you were told to do?
Oh what a juicy question! While it’s tough to admit, for the first oh, nearly forty years of my life I never allowed myself to consider what I wanted to do. I did what I thought others wanted – to meet their expectations. To make them proud of me. Even my second career of becoming a licensed massage therapist was heavily based on the ability to have a flexible schedule so I could care for my husband during his cancer journey and impending liver transplant.
For the first time in my life (and I’m now fifty years old), I am just beginning to ask the question, “What do you want? What would light you up?” and it’s been both exciting and scary to uncover those hidden truths.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.erincopelan.com
- Instagram: @erin_copelan
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@erin_copelan
- Other: Substack: @erincopelan
