Today we’d like to introduce you to Erin McNamee
Erin, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
I think I developed codependent traits from a young age. My parents split up when I was 5 years old and after seeing my siblings get upset, I decided then that “someone needed to be the strong one.” So, I started to caretake – anyone who would let me. And I started to try to anticipate or fix other people’s problems. I think about that little girl often and how young and naive I was, but how very grown up I was trying to be.
That early patterning would set me up for a life in which I was really good at meeting other people’s needs, but really terrible at meeting my own – if I even knew what they were. Most of my relationships (friendships, family, and romantic) would skew one-sided. I knew how to be of service, but I had no clue how to be vulnerable, set boundaries, or say what I needed.
I finally started going to therapy in my early 30’s, but not because I thought I needed help. Instead, I went because I was starting grad school to become a therapist and they encourage you to do your own work. As I started to build insight into myself though, I could see how my childhood experiences were impacting me as an adult. My own therapy and self-work started to uncover a me that I never knew existed. It was and has been a process (about 18 years now) of ongoing learning, living, and growing.
During that 18 years, I would become a therapist, working in many different capacities and with many different people. Eventually, I would find myself in charge of a clinical program for substance use disorder (SUD). I would get a doctorate and specialize in SUD and families. I would walk personally through family, friend, and romantic relationships where addiction was an issue. And I would come face-to-face with my own codependency.
Since then, I’ve learned that codependency for me, is a byproduct of anxiety. Witnessing other people in pain when I was little, caused me so much discomfort and anxiety that I tried to solve problems for people. And repeating that pattern throughout my life, caused me to keep caretaking in relationships.
Finally, I would start to challenge my own patterns. As a result, my relationships either got healthier or went away -leaving space where new, healthier people could come into my life. Last year, I started a business to help people identify and overcome their own codependent patterns – particularly when addiction is involved. It’s called Family Recovery Collective and it has been the biggest, and most fulfilling full-circle experience of my life.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
Of course not. Starting to set boundaries (like, saying no to people) really challenged some of my relationships. And since I was really good at being what people needed, I was also pretty used to people liking me. When I started to set limits, though, some people didn’t like me. And that took a long time to make peace with. There is a saying that “if you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.” I think that’s true. But, I was so disconnected from my own needs, that people pleasing and making sure others were ok felt like peace inside of me. In reality, it was just disconnection and a way to manage my own anxiety. I didn’t realize that the anxiety was really happening because I wasn’t listening to or honoring my own needs at all. When I finally started to unpack all of that, it was a process of learning, growing and understanding that has evolved over years to therapy, community support, introspection, and a willingness to look at my part.
The business aspect has also had its challenges. There has been a pretty big learning curve with creating and marketing an online community. My business partner Neely and I joke that we’ve become mini tech support, video editors, and social media content creators. These things were definitely outside of our collective wheelhouse, but we’ve learned a lot in the last year. We’ve created something that we’re really proud of, and now it’s a matter of getting the word out to people who need it.
We’ve been impressed with Family Recovery Collective, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
Family Recovery Collective is a low-cost membership platform that provides online information and support when a loved one is addicted. We’re extremely proud of our commitment to providing the most up-to-date information possible that highlights the different paths to recovery and centers the experience of the family and friends.
When someone you love becomes addicted, it’s difficult to know what to do and who to turn to for help. When you start searching for help, you will typically be connected to a blog article that gives you some basic information about what to do. That blog will likely be connected to a treatment center with the goal of getting your loved one into treatment. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but many people find themselves at “the mercy of the marketing”. A treatment center or provider could look great online, but as we know from the history of the treatment industry (especially in Florida), providers can be unqualified or even unscrupulous. We wanted to create something that remains unaffiliated with any specific provider or agency, so that we could give family and friends the most unbiased information possible, but also teach them what to look for in a treatment center, community support service, or other provider.
We also recognize that the vast majority of people with addiction in our country never go to treatment. Because family support is often connected to treatment centers, we wanted for family members and friends of someone who is unable or unwilling to go to treatment to have the opportunity to be educated and supported as well. We know that addiction impacts the entire family – but it also can be impacted in a positive way by family members and friends who are willing to get educated about addiction and recovery.
We wanted to create something that was accessible the majority of people, but also met our own standard of excellence. We draw from our collective 40-plus years of experience in the fields of addiction and recovery, our own personal journeys of loving someone with an addiction, as well as our connections to hundreds of treatment professionals. Finding good help when a loved one is addicted shouldn’t depend on who you know or how much money you have. We created Family Recovery Collective to be accessible, private, and available anytime you need information or support on your journey.
Can you talk to us about how you think about risk?
I think taking risks is essential to living a fully-realized life. I always encourage my clients to “push their edges”, meaning, challenge yourself to push a little past your comfort zone. You don’t have to do things that terrify you. But maybe you can do things that make you a little uncomfortable because that’s where the growth occurs.
I take risks all the time. Somedays, those risks are telling people how I feel or setting boundaries. When I do those things, I risk another person being mad at me or potentially ending our relationship. Sometimes I take risks through travel and having new experiences where I risk not being comfortable or familiar in my surroundings. Sometimes, I start a new business, like I did with Family Recovery Collective. I risk the time, money, and other resources that I’ve invested to build it and the potential loss of those things if it doesn’t work out. But without these risks, I would miss out on all of the good possibilities that are there too. What if I end up with really great, fulfilling, and mutually supportive relationships? What if I get to see amazing sights, meet the most interesting people, or experience once-in-a-lifetime memories? And what if my business becomes something that helps even one other person feel less alone on what can be a very lonely road? Risk is an essential component to a life filled with magic.
Pricing:
- 19.99/Month
- 199.99/Year
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.familyrecoverycollective.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/familyrecoverycollective?igsh=MTkwMDloemgyYTduNQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100095506813043
