Today, we’d like to introduce you to Vivian Hawker. Vivian was introduced to us by the one and only Tania Ortiz Welch.
Vivian, can you walk us through your story – how you started and how you got to where you are today.
I grew up in Brooklyn, New York and had an amazing childhood, with loving parents and two siblings. Life felt good as a kid. I was pretty curious and inquisitive as a child, wondering what was there before us? Before people, animals, the Earth? Was there just sky? Nothingness? Was there darkness? And if so, isn’t darkness still something? How did we get here and why are we here? My sister and I used to try to imagine what there was before all that is our reality now and it would always have us unravel into a spiral of more questions. If I asked an adult, I would receive the response of “This is just the way it is”…. Basically stop questioning.
My first experience with Energy Healing was probably when I was about 8 years old. I suffered from horrible migraines around that time and my sister would have me lay my head on her lap and told me she would pull out the pointy shapes that were making my head hurt. And as she would announce “I’m pulling out a huge triangle and now a big square”, I began to feel relief, I trusted her and it felt quite normal. Beyond Energy, I also had encounters with Spirit but didn’t realize it at the time. I experienced a lot of loss at a young age, family members mostly and my first memory of connecting with someone after they passed away was with my grandmother who lived in Puerto Rico. It was late at night and I was jolted out of bed, ran to the bathroom and vomited. Shortly after, the phone rang and my father received the news that his mother had passed away. I think that was one of the only times I heard my father cry. It seemed whenever another family member would go, I would feel a presence as if someone was around me.
Into my teens, all of that seemed to fade away, except every now and then I would have dreams, like when my 16 year old boyfriend cheated on me and I told him of my dream. He backed away, called me a witch and confessed because he thought I already knew. My curiosity was still ever present in my teens, but now I questioned society and the rules that were made up. Why when people grow up do they have 9-5 jobs? Why do we go to school 5 days a week? Why do people get married and have kids? Who made these rules? My good friend had a Hope Chest full of wedding magazines and baby clothes and I just remember thinking.. Why? Let’s just have fun. It seemed that there was a path that everyone was striving to be on except for me.
Fast forward to my mid 20’s and I found myself taking that same path. A child, a good job, marriage, a dog, and then child number two, a house with a mortgage and bills. I checked off all the boxes, with the things society tells us will make us happy and don’t get me wrong, I love my beautiful family (my husband, children and dog are amazing) and I wouldn’t have it any other way but at the time I couldn’t help but feel like everyone was in on a secret on how to do life but me. I felt lost, scared, and life felt hard even though I couldn’t pinpoint any one thing that would make it difficult. I felt this feeling of a life void of purpose. When most people were afraid of dying, I was afraid of living, of responsibility, of feeling like I was living my own personal groundhog day on a conveyor belt to nowhere. Even with so many precious and special moments and the love of my family, I didn’t understand what my purpose was and why I felt there was more, and something missing.
My children have been some of my greatest teachers. At the age of 8 or 9 years old, my youngest began to have anxieties, was highly sensitive and afraid. After several tests, therapy and at a loss for how to help, a therapist used the word Empath and suggested meditation, Energy work and journaling. This began my journey into deep diving into all that she had suggested. I knew the only way he would be open to it is if I tried it first. So out of desperation I began to meditate (my sister had been trying to suggest this for years and finally I took her up on it) and I began to learn about Energy. I became obsessed and couldn’t get my hands on enough information at that time. This was a whole new world for me. I had been such a skeptic prior to this but figured I had nothing to lose and wanted to help my child.
Very quickly during meditations at night while I lay next to him as he fell asleep, I began to hear what most could not, see images, smell things that weren’t in the room, and was filled with all kinds of sensations. Each night I was having one mystical experience after another. From hearing a choir of Angels singing, to feeling work being done on my chakras as if someone was performing psychic surgery on me, seeing orbs of light, Spirit Guides, Angels and I was being visited by loved ones, receiving messages, automatic writing and so much more. I also went and saw an energy healer and it felt like a weight of fear had been lifted. At this point a door within my consciousness had been open and there was no going back. I couldn’t unsee or unknow what I now knew. And now I went from that curious child into an even more curious adult.
It was during this time that I was told by Spirit to begin a blog to share the messages I had been receiving. This is how my blog Jofullyawake was created. I also became certified as a level 1 & 2 Reiki healer in 2018. I learned how to tap into the Quantum Field of Energy, healing, being able to read energy, the Akashic Records, tapping into past lives and so much more. I also experienced what I have referred to as a spontaneous Shamanic Initiation, not intentionally and without any mind altering plant medicines or the help of a Shaman to guide me through it. It was my own personal Dark Night of the Soul or what some may call a Spiritual Emergency. Overnight I went from a year of bliss, ecstasy and unconditional love to an eruption of my Shadows. To understand the light, I also had to understand the Dark. I was taken into the deepest parts of my subconscious where all my Shadows were no longer going to be ignored, it was like hundreds of bats flying out of a cave. It was time for me to do my own deep healing.
From this experience I was reminded that I can be in both Worlds but just as I could communicate with Spirit I had to remember why I came here and couldn’t ignore my worldly needs any longer. I also had to remember how to love myself so I could heal from an authentic space. I recently looked back at some of my first journal entries from 2017 and was reminded that I used to pray each night and before meditation I asked the same questions; Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose and how do I serve? From the moment I put that out in the Universe I began to be shown.
Let’s talk about your work and career – what else should we know?
I believe everyone can tap into their intuition, we are all born knowing but through years of conditioning we have forgotten. I am here to help people remember who they truly are and just like spirit told me “Go within and you will find purpose”, all that we search for externally is short lived pleasure but when we learn to love and accept the whole of the Self, our perspective shifts and that is when miracles can happen. I am an Intuitive Energy Healer and certified as a level 1 & 2 Reiki Practitioner and have been attuned to the distance symbol which allows for distance healing. Energy healing helps to open the pathway to better health, clarity, balance (mind, body, spirit and soul connection). Many of us feel stuck whether it is patterns in our daily lives, physically stuck due to illness, stuck within our thoughts and negative thought patterns. Energy Healing helps to release the blocks that keep us stuck and with my gift of intuition, connection to source and the Angels this allows me to be a clear channel for healing. I use my gifts of clear knowing, seeing, feeling, smelling and hearing to tap in and receive information during the healings. I love the gentle energy of Reiki and how it knows exactly what a person needs. I get to witness stuck energy from current life experiences, childhood/ ancestral trauma and even past life experiences being released. Reiki clears, straightens and heals the energy pathways, thus allowing the life force to flow in a healthy and natural way. And I share with the clients all that I witness during the healing session which helps them to gain more clarity as to why they are repeating certain patterns, or why they feel physical pain and discomfort within their bodies. Just as I had to experience through my own healing journey being taken into each one of my chakras to see what I needed to heal, I’m brought through a similar process when doing a healing on others. Although I did learn from a Reiki Master and great intuitive Healer, I feel what sets me apart from others are the experiences I’ve had with Spirit. Spirit has been a great teacher and all that I have personally experienced along with the messages I’ve been given, I feel were to prepare me on this journey to be of service by helping others on their journey through life as well.
So, as we mentioned to our audience earlier, you were introduced to us by Tania Ortiz Welch and we really admire them and what they’ve built. For folks who might not be as familiar, can you tell them a bit about your experience with Tania.
Tania is my sister and greatest friend. Growing up she taught me, by example, what selflessness is and I’ve always thought she was a rare breed. There was something she knew from a young age that most did not. A genuine kindness and interest in others. She has a thirst for knowledge and learning. I believe that is why she has been a seeker and a teacher her whole life. I remember her once telling me as she finished college that if she could be a lifelong student she would. At the time I thought she just meant a student at school but realize now she meant a student of life.
It was her that introduced me to a mantra meditation which began my meditation practice (as before this I swore…meditation was just not for me). Through Tania, I was also introduced to self care which was non existent in my life for so long but so important not just for me but for my family and to be able to help others. We have had some of the deepest conversations about all things. She has been an inspiration to me. As I watched her rebuild her life after her husband, my brother in law and a really great friend passed away. She not only rebuilt it but I watched her create it with so much intention that it almost seemed magical at times (of course there was a long grieving process but once she decided a certain life she wished to have I watched her almost speak it into existence). When most would have crumbled and been destroyed, this became a catalyst to creating a beautiful life for her and her son.
She comes from a genuine place of goodness. And has created Alchemy & Gold, a virtual space, a community where I can show up truly as I am, whether that is tired and scared or full of joy and inspiration. Where I also get to share my gifts by offering a monthly Full Moon energy update card reading. And the monthly content, theme and tools that Tania shares, gives me an opportunity to reflect on what is going on in my life and always seems to be so in alignment, as if she has a birds eye view to what I need. I love the live calls where we open up with conversation, a dialogue of sharing and then a breathwork meditation that always seems so magical to me. And our private online Facebook group, where I can contribute in the conversation if I want to or be a fly on the wall, observe and learn. There is no pressure.
She helps to hold me accountable, to try new things, to shift out of my comfort zone (such as this interview), knowing it is in these moments where I can grow, learn and say I did the thing that scared me and I’m okay. I feel a sisterhood within our group and Tania holds space for all of us so beautifully. She helps to keep me grounded when I can easily want to escape into the Angelic Realms but she reminds me that I came here to be human.
Tania has always had a gift of creating beautiful spaces, whether within her homes, Intent Space and now this virtual space and community which very much has that same feeling of the physical spaces she has created, of peace, gentleness and safety. A space free of judgement. Where we can share the complexities of life and be real. Understanding that life can be messy and hard and beautiful and full of love and all of it is okay.